1: Pull up to Quick Oil Change garage when the mileage reaches 12,000 miles since the last oil change.
2: Drink a cup of coffee.
3: 30 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change £20.00
Coffee £2.00
Total £22.00

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Oil Change instructions for Men:

1: Wait until Saturday, drive to auto store and buy cans of oil, oil filter, cat litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for £50.00.
2: Stop at Sainsburys and buy a case of beer, write a cheque for £10, drive home.
3: Open a beer and drink it.
4: Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5: Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6: In frustration, open another beer and drink it
7: Place drain tray under engine.
8: Look for 9/16" socket.
9: Give up and use adjustable spanner.
10: Unscrew drain plug.
11: Drop drain plug in tray of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Swear.
12: Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw cat litter on spilled oil.
13: Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14: Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15: Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off
16: Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among rubbish in wheelie bin. Drink a beer.
17: Mate shows up; finish beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go and see his new automatic garage door opener.
18: Sunday: Skip football because "I've got to finish the oil change." Drag tray full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back garden instead of taking it back to Council Tip to recycle.
19: Throw cat litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20: Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21: Walk to Sainsburys; buy beer.
22: Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23: Pour first litre of fresh oil into engine.
24: Remember drain plug from step 11.
25: Hurry to find drain plug in drain tray.
26: Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back garden, along with drain plug.
27: Drink beer.
28: Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandpit to cleverly cover oily patch of ground. Wash drain plug in lawnmower petrol.
29: Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw cat litter on oil spill.
30: Drink beer.
31: Crawl under car getting cat litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid adjustable spanner tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame
32: Bang head on bottom of car in reaction to step 31. Mop trickling blood from blow to head
33: Begin swearing.
34: Throw stupid spanner
35: Swear for additional 10 minutes because spanner hit souvenir (limited edition) beerglass.
36: Beer.
37: Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38: Beer.
39: Beer.
40: Pour in five fresh litres of oil.
41: Beer.
42: Lower car from jack stands.
43: Accidentally crush remaining can of oil.
44: Move car back to apply more cat litter to oil spilled during steps 23 - 43
45: Beer.
46: Test drive car! .
47: Get pulled over: arrested for drunk driving under the influence.
48: Car gets impounded.
49: Call loving wife to collect you from police station.
50: Pay fine £300. 3 months later, get licence back .

Money spent:
Parts £50.00
Fine £300.00
Taxi fares for 3 months £2,700
Beer £40.00
Total - - £3,090.00

But you know the job was done right!